Hello to the tired and sleepy :)

It has been awhile, too long if fact as this was supposed to be a continuous extension of my thoughts on a daily basis.

It was a good idea at the time.

Focus time, the last 6 months has been a journey deep into myself, as tired as I have been I decided recently that there is one thing I never want to do again.

TO start over again the relationship with myself.

 I have spent far to long in everyone's life but my own, and in doing so lost who I am in the process.

I did not know what my own passions were, what I truly loved, what my real idea of trust was, what a relationship is, all I had been repeating was what I had seen in the lives closest to me, some were great and more and more there was situations I had too get out of, and by that I meant rewrite me from the roots or base of my being and make a change or drown in the emotions and dreams of the larger than life dramas that I seemed to get lost in day in day out.

Like any long term  negative habit I needed to accept the withdrawal from my old reality into the new I was starting was the measure by which I was going to succeed or fail. I was going to be accepted by those who got it, and confused by those who did not get it :)

First thing, get out of the drama and stress and move to a new town. Loose all the stress and dead end soul sucking ideals and dreams behind and then cut out the people that cause you any doubt, hurt, stress even a little if you thought about their name.

Forgive myself for living, no sorry embracing the drama that I saw hurt and destroy me each day.

Find bigger better outlets for being me.

Give back a little bit to the things that matter and give you the most joy and color in your life that you can hug out of life.

Find Love and joy that can accept you in an eternal loop of infinity even if it is with the last breath you take.

You have a whole life of ups and downs and hardships but joy shared with another person each day is all that really matters. Money has not meant anything but what society wants us to earn for a living. What is living then. Marriage needs a formal and committed situation to be right, traditions blah blah blah. You not need anything but to be with someone and share life. Cause guess what life is everything.

Be human, forget everything else cause that all works out if life makes sense.

Say no to yourself not other people.

The people that matter in life, will always seek you out for you and not for what you can do.

So that is only part of what I have been doing with the work on myself.

I hope to share more latter.way the Sandman is coming so peace people I am out of here.