Odd thoughts to odd terms used that piss me off.

Hello, sleepy world,

So going to update some of my thoughts from last year on dating and relationships.

Why use trendy nonsense words like spark or vibe and chemistry to crush someone's hopes of happiness?

Spark, what the hell has this got to do with emotions at all. I am not a robot from another world. I am as real as everything living on this planet.

Spark is dumb if you are looking for a spark with me you won't get it cause I am not a toaster or TV hello.

I mean I love tech, and pretty lights but my thoughts and emotions come from passion and caring. Which I have enough of for several people. It is embarrassing to hear from someone summing up their limited and short exposure to my life to no spark.

What the hell, easy trendy word that means so much more than the actual purpose of it. I am tired of it cause I feel like I am just being tossed like an outdated piece of hardware.

Have a heart and at less give me something to work with rather than some lame ass word to define some pretty heavy emotional thing.

Vibe, I see where this might have been useful years ago. Now though I drive a Vibe. It describes for me a gut feeling or sense of a situation that can be good or bad. I g
et this sometimes as a follow word to the hey don't feel like I just curb stomped your heart. It is the Vibe right nothing personally.

Ok, I am in mental and emotional shock. Let me collect my sorry ass before shoving that salt in my wound!

Ah yes, Chemistry is something I remember avoiding in High School. Or a type of science to study chemicals, gases and things.

I get that yes, there some chemical reaction in our grey matter going on but I am not some kind of freak lab rat for fuck sake.

These terms are not needed, I just don't like you works with the same point and power than the above terms. Nothing wrong with not liking someone. Hell you do not owe them anything as to why either.

The emotional pain of breaking a social connection is painful enough. To sugar coat it even more it is not helpful to anyone.

And for me who has issues understanding complex emotional and verbal ideas it does the opposite to the intended message. I read that as some room to work with it is not black and white enough for me. Just pretty damn confusing honestly.

And if the person takes it hard and is freaky or strange. It is supposed to happen that way. You don't like them in a romantic way this will make sure they know where they stand without question.

The other terms can also be seen as judgement. People don't do well these days when they feel they are being judged. It is what it is these days. Intention and meaning is shit today.

People just want to see, hear and feel the way they will. If they want to freak out, overthink and or get hostile. This is not your concern. This is their reaction and now is out of your hands. They choose this as they wish to react. You are good, anything after this really is just crap and BS.

Likely the reason why you are choosing to break it off anyway. So this is more or less confirming the feeling you are getting about things. Walk away and keep on moving.

Sandman out

Creative Overtime

Hi,

putting poems down as I see them.

Reminders of the bonds,

Binding me to promises,

Woman's words only reprises,

Of the chains,

Scars of pain,

Even all this time,

I can her chime,

You are home,

Why are people all the same,

Finding words to heal but maim,

Clouding the future interactions,

No more satisfaction,

You look at me that way,

Sorrow held in sway,

No Angels going to come and save me,

Fresh out of White Knights and can't see,

Why no one has faith,

Treat me like a Wraith,

Just want a heart to call own,

Shit, I made my own Home,

Here I wait

Here I will stay,

What happened to the pay it forward bank, more like broken backwards

Hello, how are the sleepy and the restless.


So yes you are not seeing things I find myself back on here in less than a week from my last post.

All my life I have been doing things for others spent most of my life helping and being a caretaker. The thankless role in modern society.

Where is my damn payback, I am due, I am owed something for all my work and dedication for all my invested years.

Not brush-offs and half assed commitments, not IOUs or sure we will do something soon.

I want it back now, my self-worth involves feeling like I am not something that can be ignored or pushed to the damn side.

I would never treat people with such disrespect unless they got in now face and thought they were so much better than me.

I bear a lot of weight of stress or the potential of it every day. I have made a promise to myself a few years ago that I need to find a place in my life where I can just be, no worries, or concerns or heaping piles of bs dumping all over me 24/7.

I have found and it has made the world of difference. I no longer involve myself in lives of others unless I feel ok with doing it. Now a new promise if you are not around to make things better then it is time for you to go.

Also going to make an effort to be more critical of my interaction with Negative anything. I know the world is a tough place well you are not dragging me with you. I have worked hard to get where I am. Which is not much but it is mine and I earned it.

The power here is if you power and invest into the negative things then you are only going to get it back but if you walk away you might find things are better.

People will not put up with negative stuff for long. It hurts to see people resort to this sort of thing, but people are jerks more and more these days.

Jerks need not come to my door. I have my time with you now move on and get a life or steal someone else's spotlight cause no longer welcome in my life or around me.

This will take time cause i have been a bit of a welcome mat and pansy ass most of my life. But I deserve positive things in my life. So now I am going to go find it.

Well sorry for the bitch fest. But things needed to be said.

Sandman is sad the world has gone down the shitter. Peace out

Operation me

Greetings to the sleepy and tired.

I have been doing of thinking the last while about my place in the world.

Then I stopped for the first time in a long while. By stopped, I mean this is a pretty constant thing to check in with "Where am I?".

I am in all honesty where I should be. In spite or against the popular view that you must keep growing and learning and exploring or even building your life.

We all have the tools to live our lives, Life is the canvas in which to create and if willing share it with others.

The world is what it is, surprise you can not change to make fit to your life, but you certainly have to fit in it.

Am I saying the same idea over again yes, cause it needs to be said in several ways as we all think different.

I never expect at this point in life someone to understand what I write. I just think it is cool to respect that I can write anything at all.

There are many days when I drug myself to mask all that is going on and going out and interact with the world. Now drugged in the sense I take many pills to combat or balance the shit I have going on. But this is ongoing and is not ever going to change.

My wants and needs are solely based on how I function in the world of the Norms as I think of them.
The everyday Joe or Joans out there. Who live one life in one direction and have the family and a life that can be discussed simply and it is good overall and then you get latest disease and you are buried 6 feet under!

Woot for them, for the rest of us we do things ass backwards we fight and struggle for often an unreachable normal life.

My life, as I can not speak for others. Is a whirlwind of never-ending chaos with a healthy dash of the unknown. I it is day by day for me, recently they have been pretty good and dare I say close to normal.

However, I can not afford to ease up or let things go or things go spinning pretty darn quick. Kinda like the train of the tracks but in 3D.

What does all of this mean?

Well that I am going the right direction, been fixing somethings to live a less complicated life. Making a real effort to be healthy and in shape. And lastly comfortable in the fact it no longer matters what the world is doing. It only matters what I am doing in the world.

So begins my first mission for the be your own one person army. I am going to call it Operation Me.

Thanks for reading.

Sandman getting his things and hitting the road to the gym. Word