HAWMC Day 14ish

Hello, Sleepy heads

Hi, um yay this is late but was really busy today.

So today what was some of the worst things you have been told about your health status.

I can recall like it was yesterday, messed up stressed to inhuman levels wondering what was going on, why was I not getting up not able to move 10, 20, 30 mins in mornings why was I always waking up in pools of sweat, why did I have no energy, where did my life go?

Oh the solutions from the simple to the complex, everyone had an answer. None of them helpful, none of them worked, depression set in, work I enjoyed became a burden to do. I knew I was in trouble, more than I ever care to admit. Then I decided to try and get help. Test after test, AIDS screening, a multitude of things what could be wrong?

Years like this, my personal hell, then answers like Sleep Apnea, your heart is beating strangely, Narcolepsy, Diabetes and then the icing on the cake Non-Verbal Learn Disorder. Which falls under the Autistic Spectrum. 4 years solid of hearing bad news after bad news. The worst of it came when a Doc looked at me right to my face and said you are a nearly 325 lbs man you just need to stop being lazy, lucky you are young cause if you were any older you would be dead right now. Nothing could or will ever top that comment made to me.

My personal hell, took me to places I never dreamed I could go, but somewhere in me that day when the Doc said to me, I got mad and plenty of that anger was directed at the haters, the pushers of my mental state to the brink but not to the bottom. I crawled back from anger, despair, loneliness, to find hope. I kept fighting year after year get back on top end my long unending hell. Me die, Hell no I still had dreams to reach people to meet and places yet to go.

I lost so much time in those years in fear and self hate I stopped being me lost in worry that I would not wake up the next day. I developed a mild anxiety to mix into the mess.

Today I can tell you I am not dead. I have never been more alive now than ever before. I go at my own pace within my own limits and do what I can and thank my blessing each and every day.

I still struggle daily, but I am fearing for my future, I am now fighting to win it back.

Hey Doc how you like me now you rude bastard, how dare you say that to someone. I do thank you though for being an ass cause it shocked me back into reality. As cruel as it was, it was a rallying point in my life.

I have kept going and have no regrets and let nothing stand in my way cause everything can be knocked down and dreams rebuilt.

You are your own personal army go and take back the life you deserve :)

Booyah, Sandman out