Hello crack of dawners,

5 Challenges & 5 Small Victories. Make a list of the 5 most difficult parts of
your health focus. Make another top 5 list for the little, good things (small
victories) that keep you going.

So this is the task at hand for today's topic.

1. Stigma- The world is a hard place to live, everyone has their own pile of issues and complications. It is a mad, mad world out there.

Then for a second pretend that you have years of training in the medical field, expectations pile on like an unwanted dog pile. And after fighting through the training to become a health professional wham your ability to do what you are trained to do is stripped away for you and you become a danger to be in the profession that was going to set you up for life.

Then accepting that you have step down from this cause you know it is the right thing to do. And seek help for support. So you go from calling the shots on people's health and healing to barely able to function and think hey everyone will understand my situation.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, not a small chance in hell did that happen, questions and defending my decisions and guilt piled on me for my choices and what is wrong with you look are smart and can do anything, you just need a break, oh maybe you can just get a part time job, oh wasted all that school you are a loser, why are sleeping and doing nothing at home but sleeping what are you brain dead or something. 

I have had to creep up from under level of rock bottom, to get where I am fighting all the way, pride bruised and humbled daily by the lack of know that everyday is going to be different. Explain that to people hundreds of times over. Why it is they are "Supporting me" with their hard earned money? 

Yes, I wanted not to be able to stay awake, not sleep well, wake up in puddles of my own sweat, have cut out half the things I used to eat, suffer in the hot summer heat, not be able to hold down a job cause I would break down. Not be able to do employment screening tests cause my mind blanks. But ya I look ok lol.

2. One little, two little, three little, four little, five little, six little health issues. I am seen even by Doctors and hospitals as a "special complex case" I feel like an X-man if I ever need to go to the Emergency cause often I am used as a education opportunity as I have a few wonderfully unique things going on. So unless I am bleeding out, or dying I have to wait as they put the medical puzzle together look things up and cross of everything first before they actually get to my problem. This tacks on hours to my already hours of waiting to get help. I will let you know I only go if it is absolutely needed so I am already in bad shape when I get there.  I don't need nor want to be treated any differently.

3. Poor understanding and education of health care professionals, wait what you say. It is a fact that all my "wasted" medical knowledge diagnosed 3 out the 6 issues I have. What? yup that is right not doctors, myself. Normal health care plans do to apply because no doctor can get a handle on all I have going on. Even my family Doc has admitted that she is uncomfortable dealing with my case without the assistance of several specialists. I require a team of experts to look after me. This is a waste, if the proper awareness, support and the removal of ignorance existed. I would not require half the crap I require.  

4. "Support" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA you live in Canada what is your problem you looked after. HAHAHAHAHAHA, if you mean able to live month to month with boo all sure I suppose. Yes there are those that play the game of give me a free ride cause I have a hangnail, but there are hundreds more who truly need the help. I want to work, but am not confident that I could sustain functioning long enough to keep employment. Even on my best days anything stressful or rapid change I do not function well.By that I mean I freak out and shut down.

5. Money, yes I know everyone has this issue. Yes but when everyone is telling you to do this and that, ok where is the money to do these this what non existent program do I sign up for honestly. Really you think I would not do more if I had more, I am the one with the issues here but I wonder who is got the issues. Deep Breath 1.2.3.4.5...

Ok so that list is over yays woot woot.

1. Awareness- I have spent many years working on acceptance of my situation and now I am ready to open minds and shock sleeping giants into action. I am doing whatever I can to educate and bring awareness to my issues. I look and for the most part act normal. But at the end of the day when I sit down or pass out with dealing with the outside world I am spent, I have very little left to enjoy half the stuff I really want to do in a day. I live very simply, cause it easier to manage and focus. And this took many years and huge changes to achieve. I am very proud of where I was to where I am today and will never go back but always forward.

2. I have with great care and work gotten complex me under wraps, oh the balancing act of each day is harder than everyone can imagine. I do a very good job of it, and am learning to be less hard on myself and more open to my own strengths.

3. I can not rely on conventional medical wisdom, I have to listen to my own body and do what is needed under the close eye of a doctor. Why not, that is what they are over paid to do after all. But no they certainly do not have all the answers. Nor are they right half the time. If you fall within a mold of a wonderful little health plan that they know in their sleep all is good. Anything outside of that, a lot of guess work is involved.

4. Support- I am here today because of the support I do get above and beyond what the government gives me. I am hundreds of times blessed by friends and family that have helped me more than I could ever repay. 

5. Self worth and knowing that an illness is just a word, is far more valuable than any form of money. Cause it is true that if you look after yourself first then everything else will improve. Maybe not where you think you should be or want but it will open more doors than not. I have never let everything going on stop me from doing things I want to do, just may take years instead of months. 

Be your own, one person army, Sandman out.