HAWMC Day 7- Writey Write Write

Hello, I smell bacon

Why I write. Tell us why you write about your health. How long have you
been writing? What impact has it made on your life? Write for 15-20 minutes
without stopping

Awes only 15-20 minutes damit.

Well I wrote things long before my health hit the dumpster.

Actually funny thing is I was delayed in my writing skills as a wee lad so real writing, like the stuff you wanted to do did not happen until High School. Things sorta just flowed out natural like.

Then life happened, the daily grid school work and failed relationships mounted up to me having no time to write.

Then my health changed the course of everything, gone were my dreams, gone were my goals, and down I went into an ugly self denial cycle that crippled me for awhile, not my health but self expression and pride gone.

Then a real cool thing happened, I started ranting how the world around me was treating me, Then how I felt about that, then world issues, and so it went, Social Media saved more than any therapy or wonder drug could even hope for.

Then I fell into a trap because now I needed to give an opinion to everyone about everything, then started getting caught up in everyone else life and not my own, this had to stop. I started back off ranting, and changed direction more to awareness about myself.

 I am pretty messed up in that my illness has illness ok. Writing allowed me to see that and acceptance is one of the most powerful things you can do.

I am who I am and that is all that I am.

People to this day can not grasp that very simple idea.

I have a lot of clutter of stuff in my head, that needs focus or else I melt down. But I have wires crossed for focusing on that clutter into a understandable format for others to make sense of some of the odd and crazy things that come out.

I have been told that is part of my charm and who I am and that if people don't get it that is their loss.

I am not my illness, and my illness is not me.

I have pushed through a lot in my life. I did a crap ton of stuff before the age of 26 before the gears came to a halt. But it has taken me since that time to recreate who I am for the future and that has meant walking away everything I had, wipe everything clean and then accept it for what it was.

So people had questions I found the answers or customized them to fit my wonderfully muddled life. That in turn creates a very compelling story of struggles and success.

Hence my current focus has been to realize my own self worth again, writing helps with that.

I am, a one person army, only I can make the changes needed for me. Only I can best define me to the world around me. When I do that, the world becomes more aware that masks and mirrors do not exist but the human being that stands here is real, but has a different way of thinking and feeling than anyone else.

And you know what, it is awesome and I would not have it any other way.

That is why I write.

Sandman out :)